You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
