Swine flu. Run for my life!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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