my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
All the doctor said was why
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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