You're completely useless in the revolution.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
