He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
