our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
