I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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