non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
