I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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