is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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