I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
