There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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