I'm eating all of the evidence.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
