I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
