I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
