Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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