I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
