I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
not ubering you a puppy
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
