No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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