she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
