that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Randomize
