I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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