Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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