Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
