Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
