Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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