I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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