Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
