I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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