WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
