he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
