I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
