My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
