I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
