I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
