Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
