My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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