Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
