seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
