the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Barsexuality is the new black.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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