The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
