i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
