so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
