after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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