If i come over, it means nothing
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
