I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
bring money and cleavage
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
