I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
