A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he puts the penis in happiness.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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