u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
do nipples grow back?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
