"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
